This morning, I looked at my Memories on Facebook and one year ago today, I checked in at BJACH. Nathan and I were there all day for perinatal classes. I immediately recalled that day. How terrified I had been to give birth at Fort Polk, in a military hospital. And then how relieved we both were at the conclusion of the classes, knowing how natural-friendly and pro-breastfeeding the hospital was.
And then, it hit me. That day was pre-August 11th. When we still lived in expectation and optimism. It made me tear up. The day I went into labor with Jackson sharply marks a "before" and "after." Before the weight of grief and disappointment was given to us, wrapped in joy and sweetness, we lived in a world where we stood in my sister & Dylan's wedding, where my mom drove to Louisiana the following week, where she & I had a couple of weeks to finish (nay, start) Jackson's nursery and cook freezer meals, where our little baby was born in early September after arguing with doctors about inducing me prior to 42 weeks. We're coming up on a year and I still cope with the drastically different world we live in by imagining every now and then that at some point we'll get a do-over.
